Growing through Grief

A bit of a raw topic today, but one that I feel is important to discuss.

Grief…what does it look like? How do you deal with it? When does it get better?

The answer to all of these questions? I don’t know.

Grief is different for everyone. Whether you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a pet, or a job. Grief is hard, and unpredictable. I’ve experienced loss in my life, as most of us have, but it wasn’t until we lost Dad in 2019, that I really had to sit with it, and deal with the overwhelming, and sometimes lasting waves of hurt and loss that can exist (and still does) when someone you assumed would always be there just isn’t.

Someone once gave me an analogy that really resonated, and for me, represents an accurate picture of the grieving process.

Picture a ball in a box. The ball represents feelings of grief, pain and loss. The box represents you, and when you experience those feelings. Immediately following the loss, the ball fills up the box almost entirely. You feel it constantly, and it can consume you.

Over time, the ball starts to get smaller in size allowing it to move freely within the box. Sometimes, it won’t touch the sides of the box at all, other times, it will bump along the sides, flooding you with those all-to familiar feelings of sadness and pain.

The tricky part here is that you just never know when that ball will touch the sides.

Feelings of grief comes in waves, you can’t always prepare for it, and it doesn’t always show itself in the most convenient of circumstances, but…it’s a process.

Loss (in whatever capacity you are experiencing it) isn’t something you are meant to get over, but in time, you will get through it. The key is to show yourself the compassion you show for others. Feel what you need to feel, and don’t apologize for doing what you need to do to get through those moments the ball hits the sides of the box.

When you allow yourself those moments of real emotion, you will see growth. Growth in your ability to cope, and your willingness to accept.

The grief we feel is not only a representation of loss, but of what we had. Your feelings are valid. The box and ball will continue to coexist through time. My hope for anyone experiencing loss in any capacity is that one day, the box also contains memories that make you smile, and allow room for feelings of gratitude for having had the experience of love.

As someone who continues to teach me things says… sometimes life gets squishy. Thanks for being here for the squishy parts.

-Gillian